This post may offend some readers. But only because it’s going to cut close to the bone for many.
And I don’t care if I sound old-fashioned, because actually it’s nothing to do with ‘fashion’ or ‘generation’. It’s got everything to do with basic good manners and respect for other people.
So here goes… How did it get to be “OK” for people to be late for everything?
Because as far as I am concerned, it’s not OK.
In recent years it seems that a meeting set to start at 9 am, for some people means in the general vicinity of any time which starts with the numeral ‘9’. Like 9.30 for example.
People drift in at 9.10 or 9.20, or even later. And they smile warmly at the waiting group, as they unwrap their bacon sandwich, apparently totally unconcerned that others have been there since five to nine, prepared and ready to start.
10 people kept waiting in a meeting for 20 minutes, while some selfish pratt who idles his way via the coffee shop, is actually 20 minutes times 10, which is 200 minutes wasted – while you keep us waiting because you did not catch the earlier bus. That is over 3 hours wasted. By you! How much has that cost the business? Shall I send you an invoice?
And an arrangement to meet someone for a business meeting at a coffee shop at 3 pm, more often than not means at 3.10 you get a text saying ‘I am five minutes away’ which inevitably means 10 minutes, and so you wait for 15 or 20 minutes, kicking your heels in frustration.
And often these ‘latecomers’ are people who have requested the meeting in the first place, are asking for your help, or are selling something. Fat chance mate!
And it’s not only business.
Why do people, invited for a dinner party at 7.30, think its cool to arrive at 8.30? It’s rude. It’s inconsiderate. And it’s selfish, as I witnessed in a coffee shop near my home one weekend. Three “ladies who lunch” (a species not confined to, but heavily represented on, the lower North Shore of Sydney) were chatting loudly at the table next to me. One inquired what time the ‘drinks do’ was that night. The reply for all the world to hear was ‘Oh 7.30, but we won’t get there till 9 because by then it will have warmed up and all the interesting people will have arrived’. Nice. Imagine if everyone took that view. Cocktail parties would start at 3 am eventually.
Or a dinner at a restaurant where I was meeting two other couples. My wife was away, so I was flying solo. I arrived at two minutes to eight for an eight o’clock booking. At 8.20, I was into my second glass of Pinot and at half-past I got a text saying ‘on the way’. We finally were all seated at 8.45. There were not even attempted excuses from either of the two couples, who seemed oblivious to the fact I might actually have got there at the agreed time. Meanwhile I had put a huge dent in the bottle of Pinot, and was ready to go home.
And it is not that we lead ‘busy lives’. That’s a given, we all do, and it’s a cop out to use that as an excuse. It’s simply that some people no longer even pretend that they think your time is as important as theirs. And technology makes it worse. It seems texting or emailing that you are late somehow means you are no longer late.
Rubbish.
You are rude. And inconsiderate.
And I act on it to. My dentist kept me waiting 50 minutes not long ago. She has done it for years and years. But enough! I walked out, past a literally open-mouthed receptionist who had never seen a patient act on their frustration, only to get a frantic call from the dentist herself as I got into my car.
Sure she was “busy”, another patient took longer than she expected, blah blah.
But hold on, I am busy too! I would not keep her waiting 45 minutes if she came to see me as a candidate. And yet I am HER customer. I told her I have been coming to you for 15 years but don’t take me for granted. See fewer patients in a day if you have to, but see me on time or close to it. She has never kept me waiting again.
Me? Am I ever late? Sure, sometimes. That’s inevitable even with the best intentions. But I never plan to be late. I never ‘let time slide’ because my stuff is more important than yours.
I am not talking about the odd occasion of lateness. I am talking about people who are routinely late. In fact, never on time. You know who I am talking about!
And certainly I consider serial lateness a character flaw which I take into account when working out who to promote, who to hire and who to count amongst my real friends.
It’s that important.
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Erin Loh
Hi Greg, I can’t agree more! I’m a stickler for time myself cos I believe it’s just simple, plain, basic manners. Serial latecomers have utterly no respect for other people’s time. I have many friends like that… and gradually I write them off. The same etiquette should apply in all settings.. work and social. It’s really sad that some people can be shamelessly late for appointments and yet be totally unapologetic about it..!
Allen
well, your not alone. i walked out of a interview for a job, because the interviewer wasted an hour of my time.
i’m now with a much better job offer
Marsha Byron
Love this article. I have always strived to be on time and so many times I have had the same rudeness/lateness happen to me. I was told whilst waiting an hour for, not for the first time, by an alternative therapist, acupuncture, etc. that ‘you have to wait for a professional’ which threw me because I am a professional as well but in a different industry and I had left my office for an appointment with her. I dont go to her anymore.
I truly think that people have such ego’s today that they think their time is more valuable than yours.
Maya
yeah , you are right .
Carolyn Hyams
I love this post! Why don’t people (business and pleasure) understand that being late is not cool. It’s very uncool. I can’t wait to try out your method with my doctor who likes to keep me waiting at least 45 minutes – and with a small child, it’s totally unacceptable.
travellati
Thank you SO much for this post. I will be sharing it with certain people who are always late, to give them an obvious hint!
I’ve always prided myself on punctuality, and agree that it is a character trait which too many people let slide nowadays. Just last Saturday night, my husband and I were hosting a dinner party at our place. We invited our guests for 9pm (it was a late starter so the kids could be asleep). Two of our guests arrived at… wait for it…11.45pm!! I was horrified. No apologies or excuses were given.
I am utterly thankful that there are people like you who still respect and value other people’s time.
Maya
you also right, sometime they didn’t know the way they doing were wrong so that’s why they keep to be late anytime.
Rachel
I would have already put up dinner and cleaned up. The lights would have been off, and I would answer the door in my housecoat and tell them sorry dinner is over; maybe we could try again someother time. (NOT)!
melanie
Fantastic – always thought late people were arrogant!!! I had an employee that walked in once late and said – i’m running late today and there were 10 clients waiting for her!!!!! Needless to say the employment did not last.
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Emma
Great read – so true.
I actually had arranged some of my now husband’s female friends around to get to know them better when we first started going out and had told them to come over for a BBQ. But I ended up going all out and prepared an amazing feast (none of which was to hit the BBQ). Told them to come over around 12pm and I sat there and sat there and eventually one turned up and then the other two turned up two hours later, with not much of an apology on offer. No message or call to say they would be late. I had to call them to find out where they were and they had popped to the shops. They obviously thought BBQ meant rock on over whenever. Here I was trying to make an impression and I put so much effort (and cost) in, but they ended up leaving a terrible impression on me. While we are al really good friends now, let me just say, none of them ever appeared on my dinner party list again! So rude!
David
I love it Greg.
In fact I wrote something along the same lines for Anthill Online a while back.
I think you may like it
http://anthillonline.com/the-lameness-of-lateness/
“Tell me, why is it that some people consistently show up late for events that happen at the same time every week? Is it that 7pm on a Wednesday night sneaks up on them from a different angle each week? Do they really forget something that predictable and repeatable every week? No, they are just inconsiderate and rude.”
David
Bree
Yes we have forgotten manners somewhere…a friend of mine who is AlWAYS late just found out that she has ADHD, apperantly keeping track of time is VERY HARD for ADHD suffers. So one has to take things on a “”case by case basis”. Not apply blanket ruls for all. Dont you think, ie a Mum with five small kids is more likely to be late at this time in her life???
ikia
thanks for sharing about this. I have ADHD as well, and I agree, it’s hard for us to keep track of time. For me, I’d be preparing 1 hr or 2 hrs beforehand, and at times, still end up being late because I got majorly distracted without realizing it, or my estimation of time was way off for something I did.
Figgy O'Connell
Further to the ADHD comment, there are other problems that increase the liklihood of a person turning up late.
I have insomnia, so I often spend two to six hours trying to GET to sleep, which is actually more of an issue when I KNOW I have to get up at a certain time, so spend a lot of time fretting over the fact that I now have only six hours to sleep… Four… Three and a bit… Two…
And then I have to drag myself out of bed in the morning, and still rush to get on time… Yes, I like to sleep until the latest possible alarm before getting up, because it took SO DARN LONG TO GET THERE!
It doesn’t make a difference if I go to bed and lay there twelve hours before I have to be up, I won’t get to sleep with anything more than five hours to go… Best case.
regular joe
I’ve got ADHD as well, and don’t consider it an excuse for being late. I set up at least four alarms on my phone when I have to be somewhere, in case I get distracted. I tell my roommate and my boyfriend about where i’m going and what time I have to be there, so if i get distracted they can remind me. I leave post it notes on the things that most easily distract me (fridge, bathroom mirror, coat closet) that say (you have to be at ____ by __ o’clock).
ami
I don’t agree with the ADHD excuse. Just because you’re hyper-focused doesn’t mean you can’t use alarms. My husband has it, and he’s never late to anything. The problem lies elsewhere. It is interesting that certain cultures/places are less tolerant than others. I think a lot of how you behave is what you can get away with.
Tim
Got to love the ” Ive got AHAD, Ive got 5 kids, Ive got an Iphone, the traffic…..
It is simply laziness, and the non ability to be organised and consider others
Lazy people will alway be late because they don’t value themselves enough to value anyone else.
Thats why “doers” will always do and get on in life and the lazy people will bitch and whinge about their lot in life but not do anything about it.
Be kind, be nice to them and move on. BUt do not accept their lazyness. Mybe one day they will learn.
Michael
While I tend to agree Tim, I would be interested in how you would class those who suffer badly from OCD like myself. I have to get ready hours before hand sometimes and can be late still every now and then even though it is never intentional.
Downtown
….[Lazy people]“Don’t value themselves enough to value anyone else.” Brilliant.
Mel
I have ADHD and 8 kids. I have clocks in every room including the bathroom. Some rooms I have more than one. If you really care about other people then you will over compensate not use ADHD as an excuse. The fact that I have learned to do that makes me less tolerant of those that just don’t bother.
If you are always late then you are basically showing a deeper character trait that says you can’t be counted that will show itself in some other way eventually.
KS
if you KNOW you have trouble being on time, plan for it. make an effort. that’s what i do.
Pepper
THANK YOU to those who brought up ADHD! My entire life, my mom has run late to every single event I can remember and it seems that my life has been filled with perpetual tardiness as well – as well as other issues. I found out almost two years ago that I have ADHD and have had it since I was small. So many things make sense ever since my diagnosis. I’ve been in treatment (therapy and meds) since my diagnosis and my tardiness has improved dramatically – as well as many of my other ADHD traits. Every day is a challenge and time management is top of the list of challenges for a person with ADHD that has gone unchecked for 30+ years. I’ve learned that between my meds and using technology, I can better manage my time so that I’m not constantly appearing as if I am rude and inconsiderate – believe me, it is extremely stressful to be late all the time and not understand why you can’t seem to be on time. It used to be a source of extreme anxiety for me.
Matt
Brilliant!
Paul
You need to chill out mate! Don’t be so anal! Stuff happens, live with it!
John
There is nothing anal about being punctual. Clearly there is a difference with an open invitation to a simple cocktail party than one to a dinner party (where dinner is actually served) but I certainly agree that people who are repeatedly late or show up after the appointed time with no excuse whatsoever, are simply rude and not really deserving of my time. Something I’ve learned over the years is that time has far more value than money. I can lose money, eventually I’ll make more, but time is something I can never get back once it’s gone. I place a high value on my time and that of others, so I make sure not to waste it. As far as I am concerned, people who waste my time are showing me that their time is more important than mine, and in most cases, I’ve found that I can give that point a good argument.
Punctuality is a sign of respect. If you’re late to meeting with me with no good reason or ADVANCE notice (meaning a text with “I’m running late” sent five minutes after the appointed time doesn’t cover it) you’re likely to find me gone.
Greg Savage
Cheers Paul
In fact I am very chilled indeed….
A good rant about about flagrant rudeness, helps keep me that way..
Best
Greg
Phil
Could not agree more. Remember when we did not have mobile phones and if you agreed to meet somewhere there was no way to contact people away from their desk or home? Now the most popular SMS is “running a little late.”
Elain
I’m so agreed with this! I have 2 gal friends who is always late! Furthermore, the meeting place is always near their home! I will reach 5-10mins earlier & will sms her 5 mins before telling her that I have reached, knowing that she need 10mins or more to drift herself to our meeting place! Without fail, this goes on for years and I believe as friends we shall have talk it out but still I can’t believe that human behaviours can be so self-centred.
Wenona
Great post could not agree more!
I think for those who are running late, it is only polite to let the people waiting for them know in advance that they will be late. Nothing worse than waiting for a person wondering where they are and why they are late
B Lates
Greg, you may have saved civilisation
Nic
Absolutely right! It is not acceptable to be late anywhere and repeat offenders should be told so. Certain friends or family members who are always late or don’t turn up at all without a text or phone call never get invited back again. Even in business it’s the height of bad manners. A few years ago I went for a job interview and was kept waiting 50 minutes as the interviewer hadn’t arrived at the office. In disgust I just walked out and went home. As soon as I got off the tube I received a call from them asking where I was. I explained that I wouldn’t want to work for a company who were that disorganised and that if I can make the effort to get there on time (I was also 20 minutes early) so should they. The boss was setting a bad example.
Carolyn Hyams
Good for you Nicole!
Michelle from CareerSavvy
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who hates it when people are late. I manage to be on time to social events/work/school drop offs with 2 littlies under 5 and I am amazed that others can’t show the same courtesy.
I find it even more frustrating when not only are people late, but don’t show the good manners to send a text or call to let me know they are going to be late.
On the flip side, I think it is almost as bad to be TOO early, and this was one of my pet peeves as a recruiter when interviewing. Its awkward to have a candidate sitting in reception for more than 10-15 minutes before an interview.
Good article!
Acupofgie
Hi Greg, you’re so right about people who are routinely late!
It’s rubbish. If an appointment is not to be respected and kept to, none should be made in the first place.
Cheers.
Deej
Well said Greg,
I cannot agree more. People often believe that their time is so much more important. I actually billed a real estate agent for my time after being 1 hour late for an appointment to view a property my wife and i were looking at purchasing, also I have a relative who is a serial latecomer. I once had to tell her that my daughters naming day ceramony started at 10am to ensure she would be ontime for the 12pm start, would you believe she was still late???? Needless to say she is employed within the “safe” government environment…god knows she wouldnt survive in private enterprise.
Keep the blogs coming, always a great read.
Alan
Hi Greg Agree completely with this and recently my wife walked out from a dental appointment after 30 minutes of unexplained delay by receptionist. Late arrivals for dinner infuriate me and I have on a couple of occasions welcomed the late guests in my pyjamas. Didn’t go down to well with my wife but the point was made to those late-comers.
Anna
Over the past couple of months of job seeking, I’ve had probably 20 meetings with recruiters – varying levels, organisations of different sizes. Is it a recruitment tactic to make the candidate wait? I’ve sat in interview rooms for up to 20 minutes, having been shown in by a receptionist and left to my own devices.
In fact, Firebrand was the only agency I went to where I was seen at the time we’d actually planned the meeting!
Carolyn Hyams
Phew! I’m kind of relieved you said that Anna
Kymbulee
I also had numerous recruiters leave me in reception for up to an hour. I’m very easy-going and know that urgent matters arise in business, but to leave a person sitting for an hour without advising them what is going on is unacceptable. I got the feeling from these recruiters that I was an inconvenience to their day, and they were doing me a favour by seeing me. Interesting to note that those same recruiters were not forthcoming for freelance or permanent roles. My time is also important, especially when looking for work.
Andy C
I remember my first day of joining the Royal Air Force (many years ago), the Staff Sergeant arranged a meeting outside our accommodation for 2pm. He stood outside, saying nothing, as we all shuffled out in dribs and drabs, sorting ourselves into a line by a couple of minutes after 2pm. Then he gave us an almighty roasting at the top of his voice for what seemed like an hour and let us know – in no uncertain times – that when he gives a time he wants to see us standing in line 5 minutes beforehand.
And that is what we did from then on of course. The next 2pm parade saw us all standing in line at 13:55.
It’s a rule that has stuck with me since then. It’s not something that the wife subscribes too, unfortunately.
Kyung
This article describes my boss to a T. Not only is she serially late – (kept job applicant waiting 1 hour, was 45 mins late meeting new Deputy CE are standout examples) – when she finally arrives, she has her phone on, answers calls during the meeting and texts whilst others are talking. She attributes this behaviour to multitasking. I call it outrageously rude and thoughtless.
Achuthan
The issue is to do with integrity. Integrity with respect to time. That plus what they feel is important to them. Ask the same people who are routine late comers if they would be late to receive an award from the President of their country or if they would be late for a flight for an overseas holiday. The chances are – never!
These are folks who have huge issues in living as their word and I for one would not like to do business with them. One of my seniors – from whom I learnt a lot once went to a client meeting (I was there and witness to this). We were kept waiting for 30 minutes as the client we were to see was on a call or some such. We then went in for the meeting which was to last an hour. 30 minutes into the meeting, my boss concluded the meeting thus – “the rest of the discussions will be held tomorrow at our office at xyz time. I had budgeted an hour for this meeitng of which we spent 30 minutes outside. Thank you and have a good day.’ This obviously generated a lot of heat, so to speak, but for sure the client got the message. never ever again, was he on a call when our meetings were scheduled!
Regards,
Achuthan
Kalan
Interesting article and some funny comments.
Actually it seems that everyone here thinks the “late people” consider their time as more important than the time of others. You all are talking about your time as if it was money : time is money ? Really ?
I’m not a “late guy”. Sure it happened but I do care of people and if the meeting point is outdoor and the weather is windy, I’ll do my best to be on time. But it’s nothing to do with the “value” of time.
Taking the time is important. People want to drive their life so fast that they feel under attack as soon as their schedule is not fulfilled.
.
If the one I have to meet is 5, 10 or even 20 minutes late, I usually don’t care. Because I am ready to spend my time with him I don’t want to be in a hurry so I try not to schedule another interview/meeting/social event in the next 3-4 hours. I am not and I don’t want to be prisoner of my watch.
My 2 cents
Lynne
My thoughts don’t involve my need to rush elsewhere but rather that if I respect and like someone enough why would I mess them around by saying one thing and doing another? It starts a meeting/social event etc off on the wrong foot and really, there’s just no need to let someone down for the sake of being more organised. Don’t get me wrong, everyone will be late at times but there are some people who do it without fail – that’s my bug-bear.
Catherine
I try very hard to be on time for appointments, especially if it’s the first time I’ve met with that person. If I notice a pattern that they are perpetually late, with or without explanation, then I have a choice. I can either decide that my time is worth more than the relationship or that the relationship is worth more than a little extra time. There are some relationships that I don’t get that much out of (or if it’s a business, I can find better service elsewhere) and I end it. Some relationships are worth the inconvenience (or it’s a business that I can’t easily replace – like my ob/gyn) and I adapt, usually by not wasting my time by showing up on time. I don’t think that I’m being rude in those cases, I’m simply trying to make a relationship work with someone for whom “time” isn’t very important. You can get angry and judge others for what you perceive as “rude”, “thoughtless”, or “selfish” behavior, or you can take responsibility for yourself. No one is forcing you to wait, if you can’t or don’t want to wait, then don’t, but you must realise that the anger primarily hurts you and you don’t truely know the motives of the other people.
Bella
Greg, you are right on the money with this post. Do some people live in another dimension? and it does amaze me that *apparently* sending sms makes everything better. It’s the Ultimate Sticking Plaster (or not!)
I’m starting to think it’s a good indication of who will be awful to do business with – if they can’t organise themselves to be on time, what else can’t they organise?
cheers
Bella
Justin
Great post Greg. Totally with you on this. Another peeve along similar lines is with, in my case, suppliers of services. I don’t really care that something might take a day or two, or a month or a year – but if you tell me I can have it on a particular day, at a particular time – damn well make it happen! Whew, rant over.
gemma garratt
Oh Miles…I squirmed as I read this blog. 8/10 I am one of those late people (not as late as those people for the dinner party – alarming! ) – but late none the less, and especially when I was a ‘client’. My sister, after about 20 years of adulthood blasted me about it last week. I thank her and thank you for calling us on it. You are right. It is sloppy, rude and disrespectful. I take my hat off to the on time people. If they can do it, so can I. (You may remember me, I’m friend of Renee’s)
Tana
Although I resonate with your frustrations (I myself tend to be a bit of a stickler about time), I think it’s also worth considering whether we’ve become way too time-focused in the West. Perhaps living so much by the clock may not be such a healthy thing in the larger scheme of things and a sign that we need create a lot more spaciousness in our lives (wasn’t that the point of technology- to reduce the amount of manual labour so that we would have more time on our hands?) Also, I wonder if part of this trend has to do with international influences since there are many cultures that are much more relaxed about time. Thanks for the food-for-thought.
Vicky
I used to get really angry when people were always late. However, I have to admit that I’ve become acclimatised to it: most meetings will be delayed by 5-10 minutes, coffee meetings ditto. Admittedly I tend to use my free time with email/newsfeeds etc on my iPhone, I used to get angrier before I could at least do things. That said, the whoppers are usually the same people, who you learn to add on time (9:00 means 9:30 etc).
Andrew Fairley
I couldn’t agree more with this post! I’m someone who always makes a point of being early, who will always plan a safety margin into any journey where I have a scheduled appointment at the end of it (to the extent that I have been sitting, twiddling my thumbs for an hour after arriving at 1pm for a 2pm meeting), and if I am late for something, feel incredibly guilty about it and apologise profusely for it.
Then I know people who will arrive anything up to an hour late to a scheduled appointment, throw in a casual “sorry I’m late” with no explanation and no meaning in their voice, and expect things to be fine. It’s not on.
As you say, even with the best intentions sometimes you do run late. The courteous thing to do is to offer a genuine apology, but more importantly try and avoid turning up late in the first case. If that means setting off 10 minutes earlier to get to the bus stop on time, then do it.
David Rowan
Could not have put it better myself.
Well said.
If someone pre-warns you that they may be late due to an earlier meeting, I can accept, but when someone just turns up late, sets the tone for a poor meeting.
Lynne
Love this article. My pet hate is having to stand around like a wet lettuce leaf while the person you are meeting casually wanders to the meeting (let’s face it, does anyone really believe they are rushing?)
Only thing I would say about the article is FOURTY FIVE MINUTES!!!!! I’d have left after 15 and expected a grovelling apology – must have been a fantastic bottle of wine. If I have a friend on their own I make a point of getting to a venue early so they aren’t arriving to an empty table – I can think of nothing worse and wouldn’t want my friends to have to do it.
I also had a friend who was consistently 15 minutes late for any meeting, I eventually started suggesting to her we were meeting 15 mintues before I intended to get there. This worked but eventually I jut though ‘what’s the point?’ sadly we lost touch but at least I no longer spent 15 minute a week standing on a street corner waiting for her!
When I was younger, you said a time and you stuck to it, there were no ‘get out clauses’ that mobiles now enable and I agree, it’s like everyone now has a right to send a quick text and it makes it all ok. It doesn’t.
Andrew Bird
Greg
You have restored my faith in …my own sanity! I thought it was just me that finds the trend to be late so frustrating. I thought maybe it was just another example that Im getting older and grumpier, as I sit supping my second latte, waiting for someone who is 15 minutes late and who wants to sell their services.
Thank you, and Merry Christmas to you down there in the Southern Hemispheres…
Andrew
Alex Richardson
I interviewed a senior candidate recently who had an interesting tactic for dealing with this in group meetings,namely that he had a two minute rule. Whether people were still missing or not, at 2 mins after the appointed time the meeting would start Regardless. Anyone that came in after that had to stand ! No one was late very often after that .
Paul Hunt
Greg,
Well said. Repeated lateness is disrespectful, inconsiderate and obviously a very common practice these days judging by the number of comments here.
Regards,
Paul
manish
I agreed with this blog .. Greg .. there are lot’s of ppl who don’t care about other’s tym and make excuse on coming late .. Ppl should respect their tym and other’s too….
Have a gr8 day and happy Christmas…
Helen Wing
I don’t think you understand the chance that latecomers give you each and every day.. they give you a few precious moments in your busy day to contemplate the dark and empty hole that is your time-strapped dying soul. You should be thanking them because for a moment you get a chance to succeed where time doesn’t. Time isn’t money or respect, it’s simply that space where you are not dead. Personally I now depend on lateness, the lateness of other people, because that is the time where I get to think and breathe. In my life I find it has only been the unscheduled things that have truly mattered… in business as in the rest of life.
David
I agree with most of this, except for the dentist part. You contradict yourself at the end and don’t really make a good concluding point. You say you had been seeing your dentist for 15 years. Obviously you have found your fit for a dentist, and your knack to scrutinize the punctuality of others probably developed way before finding her as a dentist. While that knack is not necessarily a bad thing, like I said, it wasn’t something that developed overnight. If you have been seeing her for fifteen years, this obviously was one of the only times she did it to you, or else you would have found someone else to treat you long ago. Assuming you keep with your oral care (brush and floss regularly and taken proper actions for grinding your teeth if you do), 15 years at 6 month check-ups leaves you with 30 visits. You’re complaining about one out of thirty visits which leaves you with a 3.3333333% chance of her running late-based on previous experiences. I don’t know about you, but if you are trying to find someone who constantly runs late, someone with a 3.3% chance of doing so probably isn’t the best candidate. I bring up this point because at the end, you say that, with this blog, you are not targeting the person who on slight occasion runs late, but those with habitual tardiness because, you, on occasion, do run late. Well it seems to me that your dentist appointment was her occasion (especially since the receptionist was so taken back-there are others like you who scrutinize punctuality and I’m sure your dentist has some of them besides you in her practice as well). Your dentist “did not plan on being late” just like you don’t, so using that experience as an example is not quite adequate for the point you are trying to prove.
Emilie
The example that sent you over the top seemed to discredit your argument, as it was a legitimate excuse, and like the commenter above me stated, this was her one mistep, unless you forgot to mention that she does this to you all the time. There are times when being late is acceptable and there are times when it isn’t. But courtesy to let someone know is essential.
JM
Regarding your dentist, as far as possible I always schedule far ahead in advance such that I am the first on the day’s list.
Because lateness is such an epidemic that other patients end up being late and causing the whole appointment of the day to slide! So let’s say your appointment is at 3pm. And the 2.30pm patient comes late by 20min for a 15min procedure, she’s stuck in a: “do i refuse to see this patient and alienate him?” or “do i let the next patient wait and alienate him?” situation?
So for that one episode you blame your dentist of 15 years? Seems a bit harsh…
Charm
I have lists of booked appointments as a sonographer (ultrasound) It has always been my policy of taking the early patients early and the late patients late (ie if two patients turn up at the same time I will take the one that was early for their appointment) if I am running late I either ask reception to explain why Or if possible I go out myself to explain. It has worked well for me for over eleven years
Norm1920!
Good article and good point!
RE: ” Regarding your dentist, as far as possible I always schedule far ahead in advance such that I am the first on the day’s list”.
As long as the Dentist is not late for work!
Mike Brumfit
I thought it was just me that got frustrated.
I have left arranged meetings because people kept me waiting 10 minutes and it was me they wanted to do business with.
Elton
Greg, I so agree with you. Though your article is too focused on adults, I will share a little on how selfish teenage brats in school act the exact same way in a even lower order. Meetings for school projects start at 2pm, I sat there in readiness at 1.55pm. The Kings and Queen graced me with their presence at 2.30pm. Meeting supposed to last for one hour and it got extended to 3.30 due to them. When I had to leave at three sharp for something else, I get shot at for loafing and ‘always leaving the meeting too early’. Yet these people sometimes turn up for meetings on their personal whims and fancy. At my second year in school I gave up working so hard and simply tossed everything to them.
Gordon Yeong
I totally agree
Meaning your words and being punctual not only shows respect to an event, but also shows how accountable one is.
1. they don’t have much value in their time or are not really doing much with their lives. We have other things that we have to get done before/after the appointment. It’s not like we have all the time in the world for them to delay with
2. bad/poor/no upbringing. Again, this comes to manners.
3. ‘Birds of a feather, flock together’ – their ‘friends’ are like that too so they see nothing wrong with it.
Smiling and saying ‘yes’ to an appointment and not being punctual/turning up is just as good as not saying you’ll come in the first place. It only makes you look like a retard in the first place.
Trent
Too true! Though i’d be lying if I said I wasn’t one of them.
Something’s gotta change :/
Meh
Hmm.. I wouldn’t had thought that someone could write this much about being late for something.. Good post tho, but don’t you think you are “over reacting”?
Sure it’s annyoing, but you can either a) Leave b) Suck it and wait.
Alexander Teo
Very relevant especially most people in malaysia seem to operate on the Malaysia Time Zone, which is to arrive +2 or 3 hour late to appointments.
Vignesh Adhi
Nice write up indeed! People won’t be late next morning if they read this before going to bed. #Bedtimestories
Chris
As much as he and his fanboy following irritate me Kurt Vonnegut summed up this issue very succinctly;
“I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different.”
Lyn
This is a brilliant post and so true of people today! I have a relative who is persistently late and not just by a few minutes. A few weeks ago she was almost two hours late for lunch, then got miffed when she arrived to find us sitting down to eat without her. She does suffer from OCD and is completely incapable of leaving her own home if one thing is out of place but after more than two decades I’m sick of that excuse.
The occasional lateness is unavoidable but serial offenders are indeed selfish, disrespectful and grandiose, believing that their schedule is far more important than yours and you can just wait.
Interesting that the few people who told you to chill are probably the worst offenders.
jerome
well said! you couldnt have said it in a better way!
great post! hope everyone who is habitually late will read this post
Crystal
I was with you until that story about your dentist. One late appointment in 15 years and you threw a temper tantrum and stormed out?
Relax, friend.
Gemma Stallan
So true, and very well said… however I don’t think it’s anyone elses fault you put a large dent in the bottle of pinot! Hehehe!
Sascha
So true. Just had to share this post with some ‘friends’ and co-workers. Time’s the most valuable thing we have. We should treat it that way.
Chelsea
I agree about business, but as for casual occassions I think that promptnessmay be a regionally specific issue .
I was raised in the south (Atlanta specifically) and I was taught growing up that it is completely acceptable and even expected that guest show up a little late to parties. As much as I plan and try to have everything ready on time there is always something more to do, so usually as a host I am behind and find the people who show up promptly at 7:00 annoying (I do generally write 7-ish on invitations). I understand promptness being necessary for dinner parties, weddings, etc. (where people are waiting for you to begin) but never would I chide someone, even mentally, for being fashionably late to a shindig.
Aliehs
Better late than never, as the saying goes… . Would rather that my friends show up late than cancel the appointment at the last minute (I had a friend who would do that 8 out of 10 times).
Chok
Hi Greg! I love this post. I sure hope that “some” of my friends get to read this. I hate waiting for people. I think that the time wasted waiting for them can be used for better activities. I had two friends, who were constantly late. I even had to give one of them a wrist watch just so they could stick to our arranged meeting, but still didn’t work. So at one point, I stopped seeing them.
Brian
One thing to keep in mind is cultural differences. While in Western culture timeliness is a cultural high priority, in many societies relationships are valued more than timeliness, for instance, throughout Africa. If you see someone while on the way to a party, you don’t just say “I’m late, can’t talk” so that you can be on time. You value this person that you are seeing more than timeliness. So you stop, say hello, and then you inquire about the health and welfare of each of their family members. You do this for each person along the way. In general, people come around 6 hours late to things after the scheduled time. In this culture, if you brush off someone because you are hurrying, that is rude and inconsiderate!!!
Arabs are the same way, so are Latinos. I’m from the US, not from Australia, so I don’t know how Pacific Islanders or Asians are, but some friends have given me reason to believe Asians are the same way. Many of these cultures have been influenced by business with the west to value timeliness over relationship now. But I think “business over relationship” is a bad prioritization that is destroying families and lives in the western world. In a happiness survey from 2003 which didn’t measure “happiness” with dollar signs (unlike the current UN survey), the top five happiest nations in the world were Nigeria, Mexico, Venezuela, El Salvador, and Puerto Rico- all “late” nations like I described, where family and relationships are highly valued and prioritized over “business” and “timeliness.”
Developer22
Amen Brian! I have been to many of those countries and the people there show much more love and respect for each other. Even if they are “late and wasting money”.
daxxe
Thank you so much. I seem to belong to a community in which Im the odd one out because Im early or on time. People look at me strangely when they see that Im the first one there. Its so rare for people to be on time nowadays. They also tell me to cool down, and its very normal to be late.Well, Im a nurse, and I’ll see how happy you will be if I withhold your medication because Im very busy.
Nabila
I don’t agree with everything you say. The basic reason is not that people are too busy OR that they don’t value your time. You’re taking the whole thing as a personal affront, when its nothing to do with that.
Its just that for most of us, life is not worth living if everything is on a deadline – and while most people are prepared to put up that effort for business meetings or situations where its a stranger etc. – when it comes to social events, obviously you want to be more relaxed. And honestly, it sounds like you’re out of touch with the unspoken time rules among your friends. Which is why, e.g. the couple at the restaurant didn’t bother apologising – they honestly thought you would take the 8 pm as a rough approximation rather than a deadline, just as they did.
Also, about the ‘running-late’ sms. I don’t know how it is in your circle, but in our circle, when we fix a time, we use sms to inform each other before we leave our house etc. SO the running-late sms is to actually warn the other person not to start out too early and be kept waiting. And most of the time, it works just fine that way.
Selsdon
Well, Mr Savage.
The view from the other side. I am never intentionally or fashionably late. My biggest chronic fault is that I usually try to get too much done before the set meeting time, which does not include doddling in coffee shops on the way.
And I would like to add that the meetings I am ususally late for are often at times that are not set by me but by other people for the optimum convenience of those people. The times are often not really convenient for me at all, but instead of not showing up at all, I will usually rush and at least make the effort to turn up, which I assume is better than not showing up at all.
Oh, and I love bacon sandwiches.
SabrinaH
Thank you Selsdon for that! I am perpetually late to things I know are important, that I care deeply about, and I really do feel horrible every single time I am late, and I know that people see me every single time as a disorganized unreliable person because of it. But I am not. In every other aspect of my life and work, and I am a stand-up, dependable, responsible, accountable person. I just can’t prove it when I arrive late. I have been coming to terms with the reasons behind my habit, and it’s not because of rudeness or self-obsessed behavior. I’m still learning why, so bear with me as I attempt to explain it to myself as well. I have a deficit in my ability to prioritize my actions and behavior during my planning process. I have every best intention in the world of being a nicely punctual normal person, but somewhere along the way, I lose something in my brain that makes me move it along to get there. I can be the most reliable person in the room, but being on time is such a difficulty for mow can I stop? I know all the “tricks” to being punctual, like setting your alarm or watch ahead, or plan extra time in your schedule for late-inducing setbacks or whatnot, but my brain knows about them and sabotages me! I need so desperately to break out of it, my profession depends on it. But do I get my brain to accept it? So the next time you write a scathing piece like this, please consider hapless people like me who really really want to and do try and are crushed every single time it happens, seeing one by one, every opportunity fly by because of it, trying really hard to fix it, but is taking a while to get on the same level as you normal people.
Olga
Thank you for posting that, Sabrina! I was starting to think i am alone in this!
Listen, while i agree with a lot of what the guy says, the flip side of it is that i also dont think it’s fair to lump all chronic late-comers as “lazy and rude”, for some people it’s a mild form of ADHD or OCD, they aren’t doing it on purpose. People are flawed but some are truly taking steps and working on themselves to fix this, The world isn’t so black and white, and this blogger should take up yoga or something to relieve all this pent up frustration he has. I mean, flipping out because his dentist of 15 years made him wait? Doctors ALWAYS make you wait forever, it’s par-de course with them, i dont even notice it anymore, that’s why they got magazines in the waiting area, just open one up and enjoy some quiet time People strolling in late to business meetings, now that’s another story. But i do feel technology has alleviated a lot of the frustration with waiting for ppl, one can just take out their smartphone and catch up on their email, etc while they wait. That’s what made people get less and less apologetic these days, i think. But it is a problem and believe it or not, there are those out there that recognize it and try to work on it….
Mel
That just means that you think your list of important things is more important than the other person or their list. It isn’t. It’s still selfish and self-centered.
Bingo Pajama
You whine like a teen age girl. You sound like you didn’t get the toy you wanted for frikkin’ Christmas. Get over it.
Judging some women you don’t even know for showing up at a party after it’s had a chance to get into full swing takes the cake. Everybody does that.
Slow down. Be here now and enjoy the moment. Bring a book. Respond to messages when you have to wait. Embrace the present moment. Let it go. You’re probably missing opportunities by stewing that someone is treating poor you so badly, wah wah, I’m a victim of disrespectful people!!!
Too funny.
June
Yes I acknowledge the PeoPle here talking about punctuality or time being a cultural thing so have they ever heard about when in Rome? How silly to sat that in Mexico they consider it rude to be on time so therefore I can be late in a western country! Oh and yeah so Mexico is a much better society than anywhere that runs on time! Well maybe for you cos you are always late so go live there. I have friends who tell me I am too uptight. Ecause I am always on time and I also plan ahead for events and hOlidays whilst they just go with the flow. What they. Ever acknowledge is that the flow has always been created by my planning so that everything does flow. That’s how these non planners and tardy people are actually able to survive in this world because if we were all like them it would be a shambles! I am not uptight. I am actually relaxed and serene because I am organised and not rushing around accOmisjing nothing and stressing out being late etc. I have to be organised and on time in my job because people’s lives depend on it. Tardy people expect others to be there and in a timely manner when they have a crisis which I have noticed is fairly often with them. I know there are different people in this world but tardy people seem to think it is their right to be late and think organised people are in the wrong when they get upset! For me it is not about the time. It more about your word. I have a friend who is late for everything do I just don’t make plans with her. She asks what I am doing and I tell her say when the movie starts. I get there at the time I want and go inside and sit down she either arrives before lights out or not. I will often come our after and we meet in the foyer. She says shd arrIved late and couldn’t find me in the dark. This isnot my preferred way of going to the movies and I know she doesn’t like sitting by herself but neither of us will change for the other. I certainly don’t think it is a good idea for me to change a d mss the start of all the
Movies I go to see! The problem for me is that all my friends are like this so it is easy for them to point me out as the one with the problem! I mean I have left my friend wandering in a daze around a market so that at least I would not be late for our plane! I left her because she just disappeared and knew that if I wasted time looking for her that we would miss the Plane so I left because I was sick of her. Of not caring about time and always leaving it up to me go be the reminder like as if she was a child. Whenever I remind my friends about the time and how we should move along they tease me about being rigid but I know if I don’t that we will miss things because of their tardiness. I am now giving up on them and organising myself because I am simPly tired of being their social secretary with no thanks. I organise accommOdagion and travel etc when we go to big events but never get thanks just joked about. There is an event they all want to go to that is in a small town soon I have booked my accommodation but they have not because they can’t be bothered . I have heard the accommodation is all gone because this event is huge. Guess who will be expecting to stay in my room? They want it all without lifting a finger! The biggest beef I have is that. One of these People has a full time job!!!!!!!!! And yet that ate always too bdh go be organised!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wan Azhareezal Wan Aziz
Well, my point is good and ok to be late sometimes. Very simple, people will have urgent matters if they are late and that’s fine with me but if it’s a pattern and it come on late frequently, then it’s a NO NO to me. I would not think twice to disregard him/her regardless how good him/her is.
Thank you.
Wan Azhareezal Wan Aziz
April
GREAT POST. I am sharing these more than once because this should be CURBED – EVERYWHERE!
Daryl
Utterly true. Cannot agree more.
Jeff Robinson
Hi Greg,
Being late is plain and simple, unacceptable!
I wrote this piece here, I hope you like it:
http://contrariansmind.wordpress.com/2012/02/15/dont-leave-it-too-late-to-start-being-early/
All the best from Barcelona, Spain
Jeff Robinson
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Raff
I appreciate this site & all the comments. Having dealt for years with an extreme serial latecomer, (ie. add 2 hours, usually), who often doesn’t show up at all, I’m getting ready to sever all ties with him. I checked out this site today when he said he’d show up at 3:00 pm, failed to show up by 5:00, & after I phoned, reassured me he’d be here at 6:30. I think he figures I should be treated so poorly because I have disabilities & can’t work all week like he does. But in his heart, he knows he’s an a**hole. He said he’s bringing some cat litter. I’ve been looking after his cat since 2006. The cat has only a tiny bit of litter left to do his business in today.
I know I’m being taken advantage of by this person, but now, thanks to all these comments, I’m getting an idea of how to defend myself & change the situation for the better.
Thank you all! :3~
Nathanael Boehm
Whilst I have on the rare occasion been late for a meeting (it happens) I’m usually prompt. I give others 10 minutes grace, then I leave. I’m not paid to sit in meeting rooms twiddling my thumbs, nor have I the time or the inclination to wait on other people. Great rant!
Knarf
Yes, Greg – I totally agree. I’ve had (former) friends who were invited to dinner at 7pm turn up at 8.55pm (because they had to play sport), sat down to dinner at 9pm and were out the door by 9.45pm because they “needed” to meet friends at a nightclub. I’ve had a bank manager have me wait until 2.35pm for a 2pm meeting (and then just wasn’t interested in the fact the I wanted to take out a fairly sizable loan, but couldn’t believe it when I left without even starting an application). There is only one word for that kind of thing: RUDE. I always aim to be at an appointment on time (hairdresser, doctor, banks, etc), because I know their time is money, so I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect the same from others.
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Laura Greaves
I agree wholeheartedly! I have a friend who is habitually late, and thinks it’s simply an endearing little quirk of her personality. It’s not – it’s rude and inconsiderate. It’s got to a point where, if I wanted her to meet me somewhere at 8pm, I’d have to tell her to be there at 7pm. And she finds this hilarious!
Sure, I’ve been late on occasion, but I always plan to be early. As some wise person once said, ‘If you’re on time, you’re already late.’
Laynie Kelly | the Marketing Muscle
I’ve been late on occasion, but i normally ring well and truly in advance to let them know – normally it’s for my fitness trainer. Ouch, he gets revenge. LOL
In business, it does impact upon who I choose to do business with. If they’re late for meetings chances are they will be late and slow on delivery are high. Self centred need not apply. If you’re a supplier of mine, and you do this to me, forget it buddy. Game is over.
My husband and I joined a group of friends for our regular social group dinner. Booking was at 7pm and we got there first, 15 minutes early, and that was with a 90 minute drive to get there initially. The other couples strolled in over the course of the next 45 minutes. The latest couple to arrive? Those who lived closest. I couldn’t help but bring it to the attention of the group. Funnily enough, we dropped out of this group soon there after.
And not just the lateness factor that bothers me. It’s though who have agreed or even made bookings, and just simply forget to attend.
Or the another annoying lateness by-product: those who are rushing to get everywhere, and get served first or driving like idiots in the traffic to get to the lights before you, or push passed you in their rush without even acknowledging your presence. Ill-manned, disorganised, angry and inconsiderate. YOU have no place in my business or world. In my world of business, I am the Queen and I set my own rules.
Yeah, I’ve been called tough and hard, but I don’t have time to waste on ‘waiting’ on the late-coming others.
Emily
Oh I love this! I have parents who are early for everything and I’ve carried the habit too. I the thought of being late. It fills me with anxiety. Even now I’ve had kids I try not to be late. I just get more organised.
Andrew
A common problem is that meeting #1 goes from 9-10 (and often runs over time), meeting #2 starts at 10 somewhere else. We don’t have instant transporters yet..
Time manners also applies to the meeting organisers who have to recognise that it is poor time management for meetings to run overtime, and recognise it takes a finite amount of time for people to get from A to B.
Ideally a one-hour 9am meeting should start on time at 9, have the agenda covered by 9:30-9:40 for discussion, start to wrap up at 9:50 so people can leave with 5 minutes spare to get to their next meeting on time.
Organisers need to set the same example they expect of attendees..
Carlo
Excellent article and very true
Sarah
I agree…. Inevitably occasionally things do go wrong, but serial offenders suck… I like this part:
“Me? Am I ever late? Sure, sometimes. That’s inevitable even with the best intentions. But I never plan to be late. I never ‘let time slide’ because my stuff is more important than yours.”
And the dinner party thing drives me nuts because I plan the meal timing around when you’re supposed to be there!!!!! Grrrrrr.
Great post
Dr. Kevin Shiffman
At the risk of causing a riot and being run out of town let me confess that I’ve been described as “Marching to the beat of my own drum”…..and as such am ALWAYS …….no ALMOST ALWAYS LATE….!!!!….I am a medical doctor by profession, a specialist who is self employed…..I cannot remember when last I was on time…..oh yes…last week I arrived 25 minutes early for an interview, which meant that I had to wake up about 3 hours earlier than usual. The respondents to this site appear to represent a heavily biased sample (cohort)……..where are all the late offenders…..have they simply been intimidated by all you punctual folk …who have nothing better to do with your time,,,,than to be on time…..Possibly there is a genetic and or familial factor,environmental factor or simply learned behaviour …….my father was always late….so perhaps i inherited my behaviour from him….,.always have to blame somebody …or something…..I also have ADHD and OCD……so perhaps it’s multifactorial…..and they can all share part of the blame…..lol……My friends joke that if I’m 2 hours late …I’m on time…..if I’m 1 hour late I’m “early”……..So YOU think I have a “CHARECTER FLAW “….DO YOU…..SO I HAVE A CHARECTER FLAW…..IT’S NOT AGAINST THE LAW TO HAVE A CHARECTER FLAW….WE ALL HAVE THE OCCASIONAL FLAW……though apparently a certain judge in Toronto thought it was against the law to be late and dismissed some very serious (I believe gun related charges of a defendent because he was upset that the Crown Prosecutor arrived some 45 second late in his courtroom. I agree with an earlier respondent who said an arranged time should be considered an approximate time around which people should plan their lives……our lives are after all rigid enough……..time is after all something arbitrary ….and fleeting……People don’t really complain too much when Barrack Obama, the POPE,or Queen ELIZABETH II arrive late for an appearence…….Anyway punctuality seems to be somewhat cultural……In more laid back cultures like Mexico……if not enough people show up for a company meeting…..they simply cancel the meeting….and defer it to a later date,hoping that most people will show up at the rescheduled time……i might be late….but those that know me well….know that i am very reliable…..and will eventually always show up ……the irony is when it looks liken i will be on time ….i somehow find additional tasks to complete…..thus sabotaging my almost being punctual.Furthermore even when being late is SOMEBODY ELSE’S FAULT (NOT VERY OFTEN ….i might add….)…..I AM the one who is ultimately forced to shoulder the blame…..and nobody believes that I was actually on time……so you see…with my reputation….there really is no point in even trying to be on time……….You know the expression from the French REVOLUTION……….”Man is been free…..and everywhere in chains……Time…..is one of those chains….which is why as a kid i would take off my watch at the beginning of every vacation and refuse to where it until school resumed…….Anyway I’m sure you’re not going to criticize the brain surgeon for finishing what was supposed to be an 18 hour operation ..,.3 hours later due to unforseen circumstances……so why is it not acceptable for us all to be late due to “unforseen circumstaces”……i fail to see why people who are punctual are seen as being virtuous, while people who are late villified..I don’t believe people who are punctual have to make sone an effort to be punctual….it simply comes naturally to them…..just as people who are late are not intentionally late…..it’s just how they are…..it’s just that society values certain charecteristics like punctuality and humility and villifies lateness and narcicism….both all of which are ingrained unintended behaviours…..which are not specifically intentrional…..and therefore do not necessarily deserve either praise nor criticism………where does it say it is a SIN to be late……”in the bible….”…????……..and at the risk of sounding blasphemous (not my intention)…..look how “rude and inconsiderate” the Messiah must be in being so late……….and BTW……. if being late is so unacceptable…….how did it become acceptable to arrive “fashionably late”…….though i admit i usually arrive beyond fashionably late….lol…..BUT …then i always remember what my friend Jon used to say…..”BETTER LATE THAN PREGNANT”……HEHE……..Remember in our relationships we should try to avoid repeatedly getting angry if someone behaves in a way that we expect……so if we know that someone is almost always late it’s futile to waste energy on being angry if this is what we have come to expext……One event I’m almost on time for is the opera…….An ironical anecdote…….I arrived at a wedding prior to the time on the invitation …..but missed the bride walking down the isle…..as the retinue decided to walk don the isle some 5 minutes earlier than the time written on the invitation*(i promise it’s a true story………Finally I think I will follow in the footsteps of Elizabeth Taylor who arrived 5 minutes late for her funeral…..so I will plan to arrive 8 minutes late for my funeral …..how did she arrange to be 5 minutes late for her funeral…..She had left instructions in her will that her her funeral service should begin 5 minutes before the arrival of her casket at the funeral home……..So…..all’s well that ends well……even it ends up by being late…..!!!!!!!!………So there’s a somewhat different take on what most of you think………lol…………
Susan
For a professional, you sure take everything personal! Why don’t you take a step back and realize that people have a right to voice their opinion. Also, why do you think it is okay for you to be 1 hour late and be considered “on time”? Have you thought about the people you are making wait? If you really are a Dr. I would hate to be your patient. You give a bad rap for the medical field by not having empathy and consideration for your patients if you are making them wait for that long. Yes everyone has faults and it is important for people to be aware of those faults. Have you ever thought that maybe your friends or family teased you about being late but are actually quite bothered by it? Probably not, you seem the type to never think what you do is wrong.
My roommate and I were going to a party and she said she would be ready by 8. So, I made sure I was ready by 8 because I know that I take awhile to get ready and didn’t want to make her wait. We didn’t leave until 9:15. She made me wait around for her for an hour and 15 minutes. She took a nap until 7:30 and then she went to the store. At first I waited patiently and then I decided to ask her how long she would be after an hour of waiting. She responsed by yelling at me to calm down and be patient, that I was ruining her night!! Can you believe that? All I asked was how much longer. Nothing is wrong with being late, which is what the author of the post is saying. What is wrong is when people do not have the decency to communicate with you that they are going to be late or worse they even turn it around on you when they are in the wrong.
This post is about common decency and that is all. Here is a thought for you..what if the employees you work with didn’t show you respect for being a Dr.? How would that make you feel? Well, not having the decency to apologize or communicate when making someone wait is also disrespectful to the people you are making wait. You are disrespecting their time and them by basically saying that they aren’t worthy enough for you to consider them.
Diablo135
I also hold restaurants to their reservations. If they make me book a specific time and only give me a few minutes of leeway, then I expect to be seated when I arrive. I will give them some wiggle room of 10 minutes or so, but if I have a reservation for 8, I better be seated by 8:10. What’s the purpose of making a reservation if you have to just site there waiting for 40 minutes?
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Sarah
I have waited for a certain friend for an hour or two on several occasions, I am always on time. I tell her exactly what time well be meeting etc. and still she comes an hour late an I’m waiting like a clown. If I’m five minutes late, which is rare she gets mad at me, like I have nothing better to do then wait on her! She always gives out to me saying I should text her when I leave and when she Gould leave, I think if you arrange to meet someone you have to be responsible enough to leave on time. I think it’s incredibly insincere to stand people up or make them wait for over 10 minutes
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Jayne--U.S.A.
I have a friend who habitually shows up about 15-20 minutes late for most anything we get together to do. I’ve always chalked it up to a “trait” , after all “no one’s perfect”, etc. It was not until we started including a third person in some of our outings that I noticed suddenly and mysteriously she was always on time or even a few minutes early when this person was coming. I came to the rude awakening that she was not late for everyone–just ME. She made the extra effort to be on time for this other person–not for me. It was telling as to the degree of respect she had (or didn’t have) for me versus the other friend.
Still another “friend” would schedule coffee dates and two out of three times would not show up at all. I’d call her and she’d scurry over as an “afterthought” after I’d had my second cup of coffee while waiting for her. I let this occur several times. We’ve drifted apart and every time I think of calling her to get together again, I hesitate because of her numerous no-shows–not because I can’t forgive her for making a mistake in not showing–but because those no-shows tell me a lot about how little she valued my friendship–or me–for that matter.
Hania Whitfield
I am so glad to see this post. It is one of my pet peeves. I had asked someone to meet me for coffee to discuss a business venture and received a voice mail that her trainer had kept her too long and could we move it up 1/2 hour. I was already at the agreed upon site and on time. Apparently her fitness session was more important than my business proposition. I won’t be using her.
Another pet peeve is webinars that start late. “we’ll be starting in a few minutes to let some more people come on.” ????? I often post a chat “please don’t punish the punctual” and hope for the best. But this is a common practice. Those who are on time deserve their time not be wasted waiting for latecomers. Soon movies, plays and TV shows will start late, too? Our society is teaching people it’s ok to be late – and actually beneficial at times.
Matthew
I am CONSTANTLY late for lessons in college. Do I plan to be late? No. Do I want to be late? No! But I’m late every morning by about 5 – 15 minutes. It wastes other peoples time, it makes the teacher annoyed, it disrupts the class. It’s rude, and wrong…
…But for everything I’ve tried to do, I can’t seem to stop being late. It’s driving me crazy, I’ve been on the verge of tears because I’ve been so peeved at myself for being incapable of being able to keep time. I cycle 8 miles into college everyday and then have to get changed and find somewhere to put my bike when I get here, which takes about 8 minutes. Yet I’m still late, despite seemingly leaving earlier everyday to try and not be late. I’ve tried setting watches ahead of time and all sorts. I’m either either late, or about 15 minutes early. Sure the latter is better, but being 2 – 3 minutes early would be better.
How do I change this?
HYC
I saw this great TEDtalk about procrastination. They believe by thinking through and breaking up the process we are less likely to procrastinate and get things done. May be by breaking up the process of what you have to do to get ready and alotting the time it takes for each task, setting a time goal for each task eg. shower by 7.30am; change by 7.45; breakfast by 8.15, etc. I use to have races with myself to see how fast I could get these done and I won I would give myself a reward like an espresso coffee when I got to college or work early. Hope that works for you.
Anita Revel CMC
I am a marriage celebrant in Australia… guess what I deal with every week? Late brides! It’s almost a pre-requisite for them to be late. Many (justifiably) seem to think they’re SUPPOSED to be late. One bride said to me she wanted a 4pm ceremony but she wouldn’t arrive until 4.30 so “late-comers won’t miss the ceremony”.
After a few experiences arriving up to an hour late (in one case, even the guests didn’t start arriving until 15 minutes after the ceremony was due to start!), I now have strategies in place.
During our interview process I let them know that 5 minutes is fashionable, but anything more than that is unfair on guests who are waiting in the sun for the bride to arrive. The difference in the mood of the guests is incredible. Keep them waiting too long and they get cranky. Kids start to wriggle and whine, and people wander off to the bar for a quick bevvy before the ceremony. It’s like herding cats getting them back to their seats. It’s as you say Greg – it comes down to respect and manners to arrive on time. Or, on-time-ish, in the case of a bride.
I really don’t mind the bride arriving a little late – that 5 minutes gives the guests a chance to get excited – “She’ll be here soon!” But it’s because of the hour-late brides that I now have a “late fee” built into my contract. The couple know that I will bill them $50 for every 15 minutes the bride is late. Since introducing this fee I’ve never had a bride later than 15 minutes. The guests at my ceremonies are always happy, as are the couples who are surrounded by smiling faces! Win win!
Preyantha Kuamraseri
You are right. This article really cut close to the bone, but thank you. I’m always late, for everything. I’ve just gotten used to the fact that if i genuinely apologize and am contrite that it some how reduces the irritation of those who are waiting like my long-suffering family, my ever-patient friends and numerous employers. Now i truly realize just exactly how much they lose because of me and how damn lucky I’ve been, so far, to avoid confrontations, reprimands or even disciplinary action. Consider me chastised and enlightened.
Thank you!
Brett Thorne
Hi
I’m glad someone has spoken out. What peevs me is although late some people can find time to make a coffee whilst the on timers resent the late. can I add one thing else…People who come to meetings without pen or paper…Why I can only guess its hard to hold their coffee and stationary? Have an amazing memory or just coming for the ride?? I sometimes give out pen and paper to the ones I task just like in kindergarten…Any thoughts
HYC
… the problem I believe lies; in the ‘me’ culture; or even the ‘brand me’ is mistaken for I am more important than the sum of the whole community; where ‘commitment’ is a dirty word, that being on time is seen as uncool. If we have the attitude that being late is really ‘stealing’ or ‘theft’ of other peoples time then perception may change.
Ron
Where I came from (the military) we did not tolerate lateness. At the meeting start time the door was closed, so anyone late had to come through the door. When they did, they got a standing ovation – just embarrassing them beyond belief. They were not late again!
Marijana
“often these ‘latecomers’ are people who have requested the meeting in the first place, are asking for your help, or are selling something.”
I agree with the first part .. but not necessarily with the latter. Since the meeting was requested by a representative from Oriflame (in Macedonia) but I was the salesperson in this case, and traveled an hour to be on time for the meeting only to wait 45 minutes and the lady who I had the meeting with comes in running to only tell me that she can’t take the meeting because she had ‘another more important’ meeting. That day we wasted about 5 hours of our time and I, as a big fan from the Oriflame brand, was greatly disappointed.
If you set a time for a meeting than be there – otherwise why bother setting it?
Lynne Malkoff
There is no excuse for being late unless of an emergency. If one is going to be late call and let the other person know. Its just common decency, or cancel the appointment ahead of time if possible. I’m never late unless its a traffic problem.I make sure I leave on time.
As for the medical profession I’m not sure what gives them the right to keep you waiting hours after you arrive especially when I call to ask if the Doctor is on time half an hour before the appointment.
They have all the nurses in the main office, get them to call and say they are running late.
I too run my own business and have numerous appointments to take my mom of 90 , so you have hit on a sore point:) Its rude to keep us waiting!
Sasha
I just had my worst date experience just now. I’m spoilt because I’m used to being flown out of the country for weekend dates, or have a man arrange something “customised” for both of us. So, knowing that I’m spoilt, I give guys a lot of breathing room because I don’t want to disregard somebody who is genuinely good but who isn’t very sophisticated. Basically, I have been on three dates with this one guy. He’s socially awkward, and has a bit of hyperactivity, due to a genetic condition which does not impact on his intellect whatsoever. So, I ignore the physical issues and pay attention to his inner person. When I’m talking to him, he seems sensitive and kind. Between dates, there is no contact. He is a bit Asperger’s so is focused on work, very rigid about certain things, so I know that at the end of the work week he is looking forward to contacting me, and so I planned a romantic surprise for him. I dressed up in a nice outfit that I knew he would admire (not too conservative, not too tarty); had my nails done; wore his favourite accessories; ordered a nice meal for him in my favourite bistro, and waited. All of this I planned and arranged a week in advance of this evening. When he called me, I had just finished my meal, and was sipping a glass of red wine and enjoying my dessert. He was right on time. The plan was for him to show up and, ta-da, there’s supper. I knew it would put a smile on his face. I told him where I was, and as I predicted, he offered to show up there. He lives three minutes away by car, so when 20 minutes pass and I don’t see him, I was taken aback, and so was the chef. After 30 minutes, I paid bill and called a cab. Forty-five minutes later, I was in a taxi. He didn’t show up until 10 minutes after I got home, so he was 50 minutes late. Oh, and guess what, when he showed up at the restaurant and I wasn’t there, he didn’t phone me to find out where I was. He just sat there and ate his gourmet meal, which I paid for! You’re welcome you, idiot. I was even more surprised when the hostess called me to apologise for his inconsiderate behaviour and to tell him off while I could hear her, because he only said, “sorry.” To her! All the while gorging on the delicious supper I had arranged for him. I told her, in a rage, that some men can never appreciate a good woman because they’re too busy feeling up titties and are so stupid, unsophisicated, immature and insecure that they don’t know when someone genuinely likes them and wants to accept them as they are. It’s been two hours and he’s still enjoying his free dinner. Dummy.
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As I See It
I’m on time 99.9% of the time, and early for most of that. It’s a character flaw I have.
I don’t tolerate lateness in either my private or professional life. In my private life, people get one, maybe two chances with me. I will usually give someone a break if I know their excuse is valid. However, if someone is repeatedly late because they can’t manage their time or their life and just don’t take me seriously, they don’t get further invitations from me. I won’t even mention the people who don’t understand what an RSVP is, but that’s for another thread.
I once dated a guy for over a year who was repeatedly late for everything. He had no excuse, and to my knowledge really just wasn’t a good manager of his time. This was in the days before personal computers and cell phones, so he had limited distractions other than a TV, telephone, and a cranky older brother he lived with. I finally got smart and realized that if I wanted him to pick me up for our date say, at 7:00 pm, to tell him to be at my house at 6:00 pm. That way, he’d be reasonably on time. Up until then, waiting for him was painful. When we finally broke up, I was actually relieved.
In the professional realm, I’m a trainer. When my class starts at 9:00 sharp, I mean 9:00 SHARP! Not 9:15, not 9:20, and lord help you if you walk in later, because I’ll ignore you and your questions the entire time.
I think society has become pretty numb to most basic etiquette rules, which is sad, because that means it’s become more and more acceptable to forget basic manners.
shannon
I love the adhd, 5 kids, chronic insomnia comments because what they really say is “its ok for me because i have an excuse for my behavior”, but heres the thing, if you know these things about yourselves, prepare accordingly. Your problems are unfortunate, but they are YOUR problems. Dont allow them to become everyone else’s as well.
Rico Pagliuca
It’s true that ADD people are responsible for their behavior. It’s also true that if you don’t have ADD you have no idea how hard reigning it in can be. Perhaps you’d benefit from some compassion.
I’ve been frequently late in my life, even when I’m extremely motivated to be on time. Even when I set three alarms. Even when I allot ample time for the commute. Even when I know being late, again, will cause deep anguish and guilt.
If you people think I choose this behavior, you are completely ignorant. For some, perhaps exactly what was written is true: tardiness is a sign of disrespect and rudeness. For those who seem to sincerely regret, yet habitually repeat the same ”stupid” mistakes with time…maybe it’s literally a disorder in their brain. Those ignorant on ADD (most people here) would do well to learn that it’s a poorly named disorder. It’s not attention specifically but executive function that is disordered, chiefly the ability to persist in behavior over time. No amount of knowing something makes doing it easier. Do some research, have some compassion.
Eugenia
I also really appreciate this article. Although I am sometimes late, I never plan to be late, and I *hate* it when I’m late. And when I *am* late, I am very apologetic and never stroll in.
I recently had a meeting at work that was supposed to start at 8am, due to that week being packed with meetings. I had to get there at 7:30, to make sure that I got there on time, and could check my email/notes for the meeting/etc. At 8am, I was at the meeting location. at 8:20, I was wandering around looking for people, as only one other coworker was there. At 8:30, someone from another department finally strolled in and told us that nobody else was there because they all knew the meeting would start at 8:45, at the earliest. I was steamingly furious and talked to my boss, who went & talked to the other bosses about how amazingly rude and unprofessional that was. And this is at a very large company in NYC. You’d think people would know better!
At any rate, I’m very tempted to print this article out and leave it somewhere prominent at work. Thank you for the great article.
Billy
There’s a limit, folks. Running late isn’t necessarily a character flaw — it’s life. What if the person you were meeting had to stop to help a person in danger? Yes, people should honor their commitments. Yes, people should show respect for each others’ time. But if you’ve reached the point where you take personal offense at the realities of life, where you have ceased to tolerate your neighbors’ flaws, and where you start to accumulate resentment, I say you are taking an extreme position. I’ll admit that there are some people who fall too far on the other extreme, who are blase with other’s time and need to be educated about the effect of their behavior — but don’t forget; we live in the natural world (though we try hard to forget it): Rabbits and trees and the sun operate on their own schedule and adjust accordingly. Parties don’t always start on time; they are subject to the unpredictable whims of human beings with free choice. Anyway, we live in an age of smartphones and tablets and mp3s and there’s always plenty going on inside your own head; if you find yourself cooling your heels for a while, there are always productive/amusing things for you to do. And author, pace yourself on the Grigio, lest you find yourself reading somebody else’s post about how early dinner guests polish off all the booze.
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Bob
Let me get this straight… 10 of you waited around for 20 minutes for one more person to arrive before you could start your meeting? I’d say there is something wrong with the 10 of you.
Jim
Exactly.
The meeting should start on time no-matter how many are there. Doing anything else reinforces the bad behaviour, since it punishes the people who arrive on time and rewards the ones who arrive late.
The effect is then to make the prompt people be tardy next time, since they now know that the meeting starts late. The exact opposite of what you want to achieve.
So, start on time, and, ideally allocate work to latecomers before they arrive!
Mark Scott
I was taught that you never wait for people running late before starting a meeting. Always start it on time. Otherwise, you’re telling the people who turned up on time that they’re less important than the ones you’re waiting for!
Mark
I couldn’t agree more, I never understood why people ask you to make appointments then expect you wait up to thirty minutes just to see them..
Ben McCall
Agree Greg. That is simply the truth. The other side of the coin is to be a person who can look that relative, friend or colleague in the eye and convince them to change it. After that dont ever be a hypocrite ; )
A handy practice that helps everyone is to get that one hour meeting down to 45 mins and end early.
Groglernaut
You’re asking for it if you put a meeting at 9am.
Dowin
“And certainly I consider serial lateness a character flaw which I take into account when working out who to promote, who to hire and who to count amongst my real friends.”
- A lot of times these people are working well beyond the time when you went home (which happens to be perfectly on time), so they don’t give a sh*t about being on time in the morning. It’s all about putting in the time, not fitting the timeframe.
However I feel like this part is only about being on time to work everyday. I agree with meetings and other occasions to be on time to.
Niall
I am rarely on time and if I am it is only by accident. It’s not that I am self absorbed or rude – I’m busy. Usually the meetings I attend are with people wanting my help and I am usually running late because someone else has kept me waiting.
I set out with good intentions. If I have a meeting I allow time for travel but as I leave the office the phone rings or someone arrives with a ‘can you just..?’ request.
I also travel everywhere by public transport. Especially during the Winter months this often lets me down. I go for the earlier bus/train only for several arrive together late.
So I am not rude or selfish, I’m busy. However, I do inform people when making meetings to not expect me on time and I will update them if I will be more than ten minutes late.
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Green
Love. This. My boss is chronically late. Partially because he loves the drama that rushing and angering people creates and partially because it makes him feel important to be SO BUSY that he “had something urgent come up.”
Kayla
Thank you. The serial lateness of a person with the ‘my time is more valuable than yours’ mindset is one the most frustrating and insulting things in the world. Five minutes early is on time, ten minutes early is five minutes early and fifteen minutes early is ten minutes early. It’s even more insulting when it isn’t acknowledged or apologized for.
sheriji
Have been having this realization lately — that people who are late, or waste my time (making goofy chit-chat during staff meetings, chasing me down when I’m clearly in a hurry to get somewhere/already doing something and talking talking talking, coming to rehearsals or lessons unprepared), are actually stealing MY time — not theirs, MINE. And I’m almost 50, and want to make the most of the time I have, and have NOT given this other person permission to waste mine (they can waste theirs all they want to, of course), and I’m just not going to put up with it anymore.
I sent a bill to a doctor once, who had “rescheduled” their appointments for the day without actually contacting me, so I had left work, and picked up my child from school, and driven quite a way to get there, (5 minutes early, of course) and the doctor was “away.” This is a doctor with a if-you-cancel-with-less-than-48-hours-notice-you-pay-$75 policy, so I billed him $75. I didn’t get it, but I also didn’t go back.
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Justin
So I guess everything is all about you and the world has to revolve around you? Relax! You need to understand that everyone can’t always be on time… things DO come up. There’s traffic, the doctor has an appointment that runs long… we all have things in our lives that can make us late. In other cultures, being late isn’t only acceptable, it’s expected. Now I understand that in US culture, this is not the case, but I want you to see that there are reasons for lateness that don’t involve selfishness. I don’t think it’s correct to assume that just because someone is late, they don’t care about you or your time.
Rob
Greg,
While I agree with most of this, I’m not really sure “10 people kept waiting in a meeting for 20 minutes … is actually 20 minutes times 10, which is 200 minutes wasted” is actually how time works…
Ellie McHale
YES!!!
I wholeheartedly agree with this entire post.
Lateness is a generational thing. It has unfortunately become socially acceptable to disregard structured time. And, it drives me bonkers.
I remember one birthday I gave everyone the time to be at the restaurant and specifically told people a time 15 minutes before the reservation was actually set at. Only one friend had the respect to call me to say she was looking for parking and would be there in 5 minutes. After sitting down at our reserved time, I waited 10 minutes, called my other friend who was plus a couple people and asked her if she was on her way. She said, “oh yea, we just stopped to look at something.” I said, “okay, well can you be here in five minutes?” She said “maybe… Is it okay if I bring more than one person, there are five of us?” I said “fine, but, please be here in five minutes, I feel bad for holding the table if you can’t be here.” The people who were there all agreed we should just go ahead and order… And the remaining people could sit at another table if they ever arrived. Finally, 45 minutes after the scheduled reservation, they saunter in as if it was nothing. My one friend came and said hi to me. And, her friends followed her. One of them had the nerve to say to me “are you here for our birthday celebration?” I’m not one to be rude and start bickering at a gathering, so I said without a smile “yes,” and just turned my back to the stranger and proceeded to finish a conversation with a friend. My friend turned to this stranger and said “actually, this dinner is for her, as it is HER birthday today” (pointing at me) “and SHE made the reservation for 7.00pm, and it is now 7.45pm. Okay?” So grateful that my friend stood up for me without me asking. All the while, my polite, old school English father was sitting there glaring at this rude stranger. He politely said hello when introduced, but he was good enough to be on my side and not engage the rude latecomers in niceties.
Som the next time I had a dinner at a restaurant, I had to do the unfortunate thing of stating in the invite “if you are going to be more than 10 minutes late, please CALL me. Do not text me 15 minutes after the scheduled time and say you will be there in five minutes. Do not bring a group of friends without running it by me first. If you are going to bring friends I have never met before, please disclose the reason for the gathering. If any of this is too hard to abide by, I understand… But do understand that these are all part simple manners anyone 14 and older need to live by. Thank you.”
melanie
I see both sides. I am naturally not a time oriented person who has had to grow a lot over the years to become more aware of time passage. I was often late though because I would get so relationally involved with the person that I was meeting with at the present, that I would be unaware of how quickly time past and be late for my next appointment. (It was a highly relational job.) So it was rude to the person waiting, but very considerate of the person I was with at the time.
My husband is very on time for everything and can almost always guess the time down to the minute, but can be quite rude when he’s closing something out to go to the next thing. So it can go both ways.
Also, my daughter is often late for school because neither she nor I are morning people, I have 3 other kids to get ready, and family time in the evening is a high value to us, but it often means later bed times. But her school (without any input from students or parents) decided to start at 8am when plenty of schools around us start at 8:30 or later. I don’t feel as high of a need to be on time for something whose start time was set without a majority input. And though I’m sure this makes teachers cringe, it’s not just about being inconsiderate of the teacher, but having family values that are more important than school values.
So I guess I am just saying that there are exceptions. But the rule, as Victor Hugo put it, is that “punctuality is a form of kindness.”
Kim S.
There is also something to be said for it being cultural. In some cultures (ie Latin America), it’s actually considered rude to NOT be late. Or, for instance, the church I attend is very large and because they always started service EARLY that meant getting there on time was functionally late…so why not be another ten minutes late??
Yes, it can be very rude and inconsiderate in some contexts. But in some circles it is simply expected.
Alli
I agree with Kim that you need to take culture into account. That can be a very ethnocentric view. Just because you think it’s rude and selfish to be late doesn’t mean that that is always the meaning behind lateness. You are right that in many cultures it probably is mostly pride or a lack of consideration for others that affects being late. However, I do many activities within a latin community and know that coming on time would almost be awkward for the host because it’s not expected. Not all cultures communicate directly where starting at 8 means 8:00 and 0 seconds. It almost can feel rude and uncomfortable to show up on time knowing the host meant for you to come 30 minutes or an hour after the time they announced. It’s annoying, and has contributed to my tendency to show up late because I don’t want to feel like I’m imposing, but the reality is that not all cultures are the same and Hispanic culture is a perfect example of how you wouldn’t function very well if you blanketed their entire culture with words of being rude and selfish. You have to understand other perspectives as well. In general though, I do think this is becoming a problem in our generation and young people piggybacking off each other like planning on coming 10 minutes late because they know the other person won’t be there on time…..
Marty Lewis
This is only true in our Western culture. Try living anywhere else
Jennifer
Deep breaths, Greg. I understand this sentiment. Truly I do. I have always been a punctual person. I married a habitually late person. But you sound just a bit overworked on this. 200 minutes wasted? Sending an invoice? Really? Would you send that invoice to your boss? Because in my experience, the higher the office, the later the meeting. Their time IS important, and if one meeting needs to run over in order to solve a material business issue, so be it. Or an accident causes a coworker to be late? Fine. I’m sympathetic to these things because life happens.
It is concerning that you’re getting so wound up about this that you lack the control (and respect for others) to stop plowing through a bottle of pinot in your anger and intolerance of others. Perhaps it’s not just “they” who have the problem.
Marco Esquandolas
i agree kim s. latin american cultures are very loose with time. and its weird for them to show up exactly at the designated time…
that being said, i think its weird that the original author of this pointless blog post wasted 30 minutes of his/her life writing a 3 page rant about some people running late. he made it a point to say that someone who are 10 minutes late to a meeting of 20 ppl means he wasted 200 total minutes. but all this author did with whatever extra time he had, resulting from his chronic earliness, was write this stupid blog post instead of doing something productive, creative, or something meaningful. maybe the worlds over-acheiver/teacher’s-pet type of people should try to relax and not be so judging of others. kindergarten kids are being shot amd killed. and the author of this blog is mad that someone is 5 minutes late?? nice outlook on life, you will always be unhappy if tiny things upset you. try to be positive instead of negative and see where that gets you.
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D. Moroco
Finally someone writes what I have long thought and to which I have reacted firmly. As a military commander and business exec, I have for over 20 years conducted meetings in what many would consider a ruthless manner. Meetings start on time. Once it starts, the door is locked. If you are an attendee and are two minutes late, tough luck. You are still accountable for what goes on. Discipline – an agenda is published. Anyone straying from the agenda on some tangent is verbally warned once. Second time, you are expelled from the meeting. And, you are still accountable for what goes on. You get the message after a while. Zero tolerance for wasting other people’s time. Clearly there are exceptions, but after a while they tend to be RARE exceptions. As my dad used to say, if you are less than 10 minutes early, you’re already late.
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Chris Hedge (@issueman09)
I just want to say thanks for this article. i have suffered from perpetual tardiness all my life. this is the year it ceases. No Excuses. Just make it a priority. I love the picture you give of how 10people at 20minutes. Someone recently told me being late is nothing less than dishonesty & theft. I do not want to be THAT guy any longer
Lily
My college hosted an etiquette dinner for the graduating class (and even gave us little take-home cards to help us remember) and the one odd thing about this post is that I’ve been consistently told that you’re never supposed to be quite on time for a dinner party out of politeness. Miss Manners herself gives 8-12 minutes late as the optimal arrival time (http://books.google.com/books?id=Ju1XvqoMookC&pg=PA474&lpg=PA474&dq=when+to+arrive+for+dinner+party+miss+manners&source=bl&ots=5HAgEJH0DR&sig=OVcgG6c–rfkanAzXf6Sq9Z-9Cw&hl=en&sa=X&ei=GZr7UOmzGZSG9QSP4YHoCA&ved=0CDcQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=when%20to%20arrive%20for%20dinner%20party%20miss%20manners&f=false). Granted this is no lengthy delay, and this is the exception that proves the rule, but I thought it important to point out that there is one commonly occurring instance where it’s often considered rude to arrive on time.
Houston
I had to break off a friendship due to this same issue of lateness and fuzzy planning. I truly believe this person has no idea how disrespectful lateness is.
Aj
Good points, however the value is still misplaced.
If your time is what is most important, then clearly you will be upset by others actions regarding events that include you.
Not condoning being late.
If you value a relationship, you will automatically be early. If you value your job, you will arrive at the meeting on time. If you value your customers, you will make the extra effort. If you value family, you will find yourself being capable of fitting more in and doing less.
And just because you are a CEO doesn’t mean you get let off the hook. You get paid to have good time management.
Your values will most likely never match those of people around you. But if you get people with similar values, it makes life easier.
Ana
Amen.
But honouring the set times has left me feeling ridiculous – I’m on time for that cocktail at 7.30, but… everybody else is there at 9.
Should I stick with truly being on time and waste an hour and a half or be late/”on time”?
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Dilbart
Not everyone who is routinely late “plans” to be late. Not everyone likes to plan their schedule down to the minute, and some people have a genuinely hard time making it to places on time, because they don’t lead such scheduled, routine lives. It’s a difference noted on the Myers-Briggs personality type scale known as Perceivers vs. Judgers. The majority of our world is run by Judging types (schedulers, planners, people who generally prefer predictability over spontaneousness). That doesn’t make your planfulness right., though it’s understandable that you’d be annoyed. Perhaps though some of us think the world could do with a little more spontaneity and a little less rigid timeliness. In short: get over it.
Mel
Did you ever consider just having an open conversation with the people in your life about arriving on time vs. late, letting them know what you think/feel, and listening to how they think/feel in return? Might help to alleviate the general judging and frustration bogging down the large majority of the posts above. Remember: you are wholely responsible for your own choices (actions and reactions) in your own life, which has virtually nothing to do with others’ timekeeping practices. You can’t change anyone besides yourself – be assertive (i.e. speak up and ask for what you want), learn to adapt, then let it go.
Heather
I have ADD, so yes, time did escape me. It’s something that I struggle to overcome, but it does happen. A significant portion of the population has ADD or ADHD, usually diagnosed.
And perhaps these people are late because their dog died. Or their girlfriend broke up with them. Or today’s the day some awkward medical thing flared up and it took some time to deal with. (Oh, I will totally skip stopping at the store for tampons just to avoid offending YOU!) There are hundreds of reasons people can be late, and many of them are ones they aren’t going to ‘fess up to, and don’t need to be judged on.
Really, the argument of “My time is more important than yours, so don’t be late!” is a little petty.
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Ioana
I’m always 5-15 mins late for official things (classes especially) since I’m an agoraphobic and hearing the chattering before class starts gets me into a panic attack… Not that the mean look everyone gives me when I come in late isn’t also bad enough to stop me from concentrating and basically making my presence in the classroom useless.
Ike
I’m totally guilty of this *holds head down in shame* I wish I could be better @ time keeping, but I’m always bloody late for almost everything. My New Years resolution is to be on time always, but so far I’ve failed and were already in march. I never go out of my way to arrive later – Need to get more disciplined!!
Melissa
Wow, good to know that I am not the only frustrated punctual person in the world though it can sometimes feel like it. Saying that, I now make sure I always have something to do when I am on time therefor my time is not wasted when the other person isn’t. I can catch up on emails, articles and books and not spend the time fuming over the other persons apparent disregard for my time.
Fabio
Serious, man?? I though only in Brazil we had such time issues! I mean it, it is taken for GRANTED there HAS TO BE a delay in ANY schedule. Of course I fight it out of sheer revolt with this caveman behavior. I had quit any physician that has grown the habit of delaying me, I complain when people are late (and call then at 5min past the schedule frankly and hostily asking “I’ve been here for a couple of minutes, where are you??” meaning “you gotta feel bad!!”), and I always phone (no SMS!) at least 10 minutes ahead of schedule when I get to know I am not going to make it. But, man! Just couldn’t believe what you wrote!
Lisa
I always aim to be 10 min early where possible. That way I have time to calm, center, re-apply make-up or whatever. It also give me some flexibility if I don’t know where to go or there is a queue etc.
My mum is habitually late, by at least 1/2hr but up to an hour. I always have to tell her 1hr earlier than when she is meant to arrive somewhere because I know she will never get there otherwise.
Dr’s are also notoriously bad at keeping you waiting. They have very strict rules that you get there on time but you are never seen at the time of your appointment. So why not give the adjusted time of when you know i’ll be seen. Don’t keep me waiting for 1/2hr and expect me to read 2yr old magazines!!